She says, “I thought an autopsy might show that what had gone wrong was something simple” (Didion 37). Didion's request for an autopsy, a thorough examination of a corpse, is futile when she sees John choking and then falling to the ground. Her opening sentences such as "You sit down to dinner and life as you know it ends" (Didion 3) calls into question her reasoning for requesting an autopsy when she expresses John's death as a life-altering and life-altering event. She. The autopsy implies that Didion cannot face reality; Didion attempts to resort to alternative facts to escape the reality that John's death happened instantly rather than being predictable. Additionally, grief causes Didion to hallucinate and believe idiosyncratic beliefs such as John's resurrection. She says, “I stood there for a while, then I understood why: he would need shoes if he were to come back” (Didion 37). Her situation alludes to a similar situation in which Didion and her siblings had to donate their father's clothes when he passed away. This action gave a sense of moving forward and allowed Didion's mother to become a widow. The reason the gift of John's personal item surprises and frightens Didion because it signals that John will never return and that Joan must re-evaluate her identity as a woman.